


A thousand times you

by ChoniRMS



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017), Riverdale (TV 2017) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Cheating, Cheryl Blossom Needs a Hug, Cheryl and Toni are stepsisters, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Family Secrets, First Time, Fluff, Forbidden Love, Friends to Enemies, Good Penelope Blossom, Grief/Mourning, Jason was never born, Jealous Toni Topaz, Jealousy, Lesbian Sex, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Past Domestic Violence, Possessive Behavior, Pseudo-Incest, References to Drugs, Secret Relationship, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Smut, Therapy, Toni Topaz Needs a Hug, Underage Drinking, kinda i guess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 14:07:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29652468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChoniRMS/pseuds/ChoniRMS
Summary: (Previously tittled “be my mistake”)"I'm your stepsister!" Toni yells, getting up, running from Cheryl like she had the plague or something, and she won't lie, it fucking hurts. "I've known you since you were six, we've been living together ever since then. It's wrong on so many levels!""You didn't seem to think it was wrong when you were three fingers deep inside me last night, did you?!" She doesn't even wait for an answer. "Exactly! You stand there all high and mighty, talking about wrong and right and all that, but don't lie to my face and tell me you didn't want it too!"ORCheryl was six years old when she and mom moved in with Jackson Topaz and his daughter Toni. Becoming a family from that moment on.Which was all both girls ever wanted, until the day they fell in love with each other. Until one night they couldn’t keep those feelings inside, starting a chain of events that will change Riverdale itself.
Relationships: Alice Cooper/FP Jones II, Archie Andrews/Veronica Lodge, Betty Cooper/Jughead Jones, Cheryl Blossom - Relationship, Cheryl Blossom/Toni Topaz, Fangs Fogarty/Kevin Keller, Josie McCoy/Sweet Pea, Penelope Blossom/Other(s)
Comments: 21
Kudos: 54





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, here's another fic that I hope you might like.
> 
> It just came to me and didn't go so here we are.
> 
> Cheryl and Toni are not related! They have lived together since they were six, since Cheryl's mom is married to Toni's dad.
> 
> \- Penelope is a good person (it's important to the plot) 
> 
> \- Cheryl's a only child

Mommy's happy. Mommy's been happy for a while now, and that makes Cheryl happy. 

Mommy always had the prettiest smile, but she always had sad eyes. She used to cry a lot too, at night after she would tuck Cheryl in bed. Cheryl could hear it from her room, mommy's cries coming from the bathroom. She would cry too, but never said it to mommy, Cheryl didn't want to make her sadder.

It's different now. Mommy has a new friend named Jackson. Cheryl likes him a lot, he always brings flowers to mommy and candy for her, last week he gave her a teddy bear almost her size. Jackson comes to her home a lot, sometimes he has sleepovers too, mommy's always smiling when he's around, not like when daddy was here.

Cheryl doesn't know much about her dad. She remembers being younger and going to Pop's with him, but there was always a nice lady with them, she wore a suit and had a notepad, she used to write a lot. Mommy said that she had to be there because daddy was sick, he didn't look sick. The last time she was with him wasn't long ago, they went to Pop's but the nice lady wasn't with them, and daddy smelled funny, he was shaking a lot even though it was so warm outside. Pop Tate came to get her, took her to the back, and offered her a milkshake, he was with her the whole time until mommy came to pick her up. Daddy was gone when she looked at the booth they were sitting.

* * *

Cheryl's almost ready to bed, she just needs to make sure all of her teddy bears are properly tucked in, she doesn't like it when sometimes mommy doesn't tuck her in right, her teddies are the same. 

"Hey, pretty lady," mommy says, walking into her room. A brush in her hand and Cheryl beams at it.

There's nothing she loves more in this world than to have mommy brush her hair. 

Cheryl gets up and goes to sit on her vanity, she wanted to have one as big as the one mommy has but she said Cheryl was still too young for one that big, but she did found a smaller one in her room the next day, it even has her name written in it and all. It was Jackson's gift for her sixth birthday. It came earlier.

"I love you," mommy says, brushing her hair, careful not to hurt her, she never does.

"I love you too, mommy."

"I was thinking, sweetie, it's been a long time since we went shopping. Wanna go tomorrow?"

"I have school tomorrow, mommy," little Cheryl, said with a hint of sadness. 

"I can talk to miss Chelsea," Cheryl's school teacher, "we can say you're not feeling too well." Mommy winks, poking Cheryl's side a bit.

And for a recently turned six years old little girl, those are the best kind of news she can get. Cheryl's smile is so wide, she doesn't even care that she's missing her front teeth.

"We can go dress shopping."

"Why dress shopping, mommy?" They only buy dresses for special occasions. Mommy doesn't like shopping too much, Cheryl knows it's because daddy's not around.

"We're gonna... we're gonna meet Jackso-"

"I already know Jackson, silly," Cheryl giggles, making mommy do the same.

"Being sassy are we?" And just like that mommy picks her up, and tickles her until they both fall in Cheryl's bed. Some of the teddy bears fall on the floor, but Cheryl's so happy right now she doesn't pay attention to it. Mommy's home tonight, not Nana Rose. Mommy's more fun.

They stop after a while, it's a good thing because Cheryl was close to pee, and that's no fun.

"Baby, mommy has to tell you something," mommy looks at her, she looks serious, not mad, but it's something important, "this weekend, Jackson's taking us to his favorite restaurant, he wants you to meet his daughter."

"His daughter?"

"Yes, baby, her name is Toni and she's seven. She's just the sweetest girl, I know you'll love her."

Cheryl smiles and mommy hugs her. Later that night, when mommy's sleeping Cheryl can't. She knows Jackson's mommy's boyfriend. Nana Rose said they're gonna marry soon, and Cheryl will live in his house since it's bigger than their apartment. Cheryl didn't mind, she probably would have a bigger room, than her teddies would be more comfortable. But if he has a daughter, and mommy seems to like her a lot that means Cheryl has to share her, and she doesn't know how to feel about that.

* * *

_11 years later_

Cheryl was just laying in bed, scrolling through her Instagram feed, she had just finished leaving a heart eye emoji on Veronica's most recent post, a photo Josie had taken during cheer practice. She was waiting for Heather, her girlfriend of two years now, they were just hanging out in Cheryl's room - since Heather's parents are a bit more strict when it comes to visitors - watching some sappy romantic flick on Netflix, both too tired to go to Pop's and hang out, they did have a long practice today cause regionals are right around the corner. A few minutes ago, Heather got up, saying she needed to use the bathroom, so Cheryl paused the movie and was now waiting for her.

It didn't take long for Heather to show up again, this time she looked pissed and Cheryl knew exactly the reason behind that sudden change of humor, it had Toni's name written all over.

"What did she do now?" Cheryl asks her girlfriend, aware that her stepsister is the Antichrist. 

_Okay, that might be an exaggeration. Kinda._

"She locked the bathroom, again. Seriously, babe, this is getting out of hand," and Cheryl can't even say a thing, Heather has more than enough reason to be this mad.

Toni never seemed to accept the other girl's presence in this house, making it her life mission to make Heather miserable. And by consequence, Cheryl's too. She won't talk to her mom or Jackson about it, she's seventeen years old and the last thing she needs is to give Toni any more reason to poke fun at her. She's going to deal with it on her own.

Getting up from the bed, Cheryl leaves her room and walks the small distance from hers to Toni's room. She knocks on the door, and nothing, so she knocks again and by now it's been almost two minutes that she's been standing there. To hell with it, she opens the door and is greeted with Toni sitting in by her desk her eyes focused on her computer, no doubt editing some photos, headphones blasting the music so loud that Cheryl can hear it from where she's standing. Toni doesn't seem to notice her, but Cheryl knows she's just faking it, the room was pitch dark safe for that little screen that lit Toni's face, so when Cheryl opened the door there's no way Toni would've missed the light coming in.

Their rooms are the same size, but so different. Whereas Cheryl's all girly girl, with led lights and indoor plants, vintage vinyl, and polaroids hanging on the wall, Toni's room is quite more simple. There's her bed, a nightstand, a few shelves, and a built-in closet, and her desk, there are no photos whatsoever, and it's in times like this that Cheryl hates to fight with her. Toni's not your average teenager.

But she loves Heather and this behavior of Toni is putting an edge on their relationship, and if there's something Cheryl hates doing more than anything is picking sides, yet she finds herself doing it at least twice a week.

"Hey!" Cheryl finally speaks, loud enough, still nothing. "Toni!"

She doesn't miss that hint of a smile on Toni's lips, mocking her. God, she knows every button to push. But two can play that game, Cheryl takes advantage that the computer's outlet is close to the door, so close that she only needs to bend over and plug it off.

"What the fuck?!" Toni screams, immediately getting up from her chair. _Not laughing now, is she?_

"Where's the bathroom key?" Cheryl asks, arms crossed, and it's miracle how Toni hasn't lunged at her yet. She does look more than ready to.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Toni denies it, as expected. She takes joy in these games she creates, the ones where she's the only player. Cheryl has lost patience with it a long time ago.

"It wasn't fun the first time around, and it surely even fun two years after. Where's the key? Heather needs to use the bathroom."

"There's a bathroom downstairs, working perfectly fine."

"Why do you have to be this way?!"

"I could ask you the same," Toni replies to Cheryl, getting closer to her, "you have any idea what you just did? Those photos were important and your little stunt probably made me lose all progress I did." She shoves Cheryl, not to hurt her or make her lose balance, just to let her know that she's there and that two can't play this game.

That's Toni Topaz. When things don't go her way she snaps and expects everyone around her to be okay with it.

"Well, I got your attention, didn't I?"

"Leave my room, please. Go back to your Netflix and chill," she says, in a childlike voice, making faces at Cheryl.

"The key first," Cheryl extends her hand, and Toni flips her off.

"Jesus, Toni! It's just a bathroom!" Now it's time for Cheryl to shove her, unlike Toni, she did want to hurt her.

"Wrong. It's my bathroom too, and I don't feel comfortable having a stranger there all the time, so why doesn't Heather just go outside like Rusty does." Here we go again, every word Toni's saying is a practiced speech. This is her kingdom and Heather's the villain who's planning to usurp her.

And Rusty's their husky.

"Nevermind, Toni," Cheryl sighs and walks away. No matter what she says she'll never win. They'll just fight some more.

"Did that bitch just compared me to the dog?" Heather says as soon as Cheryl comes back, looking ready to storm off to Toni's room where they'll fight, Cheryl split them up, Toni will be grounded and Cheryl will have to spend the rest of the month making up for Toni's behavior to Heather.

_Yeah_ , that happens quite a lot around here. It's surprising how both their parents haven't gone insane yet.

"Heather, just let it go. Please," Cheryl pleads, placing a hand on her girlfriend's chest, trying to calm her down. Her temper is almost as worst as Toni's.

"I'm tired of her treating me this way."

"I know, trust me, I am too. But...give her a break she's..." Cheryl doesn't say it, deep down she knows everyone's over with that excuse. 

But Heather's facial expression gives her away, she knew what Cheryl was about to confess, "I get it, I do. Okay, her mom died when she was a kid, and that's awful, but it doesn't give her a free pass to treat people like shit. 

"Heather, can we not?" Cheryl's ready to beg at this point, she's exhausted between school and the latest turn of events, she's more than ready to call it a day. "Plus I got work to finish and I still need to call Ronnie about the routine."

"You're kicking me out?"

"I'll see you at school, okay?"

"Love you." Cheryl kisses Heather, hoping it's enough for now.

"Yeah, love you too."

* * *

_**Heather: are we good?** _

Cheryl doesn't have the energy to reply to her girlfriend's text right now, maybe later, she seems to be more focused on the framed picture that sits on their coffee table in the living room. She and Toni, about seven and eight at the time, grinning from ear to ear as they hug Rusty who had just gotten to know his new house for the first time. Initially, when her mother moved in with Jackson shortly after they'd announced their engagement, Cheryl and Toni weren't exactly friends, they still hadn't gone over that _my mom's dating your dad and your dad's dating my mom_ awkwardness, and they did fight a lot and disagreed on almost everything, but Rusty was love at first sight for both of them, a turning point if you want.

Cheryl still remembers when their furry friend had to get surgery a couple of years later, and how she had cried the whole ride from the clinic to their home, scared of losing him. She thinks back to how Toni held her hand and how she gave Cheryl her cherry from the milkshake they got at Pops.

They were inseparable after that, always sleeping in each other's room. Her mother would often say they were meant to be sisters, and that if she and Jackson had never met Cheryl and Toni would still find a way to become best friends. They were soulmates, even if the same blood didn't run through their veins they shared a bond so special that without even speaking they knew if something was wrong with one of them, whenever Cheryl was sick Toni would get sick, and vice versa, which of course was because they lived in the same house and were together twenty-four-seven, but it still felt like magic, like they were connected.

Toni was the first person Cheryl came out to, and eventually, Toni felt safe to do the same with Cheryl. When Cheryl had her first period it was Toni that she turned to, when some silly girl broke her heart when she was twelve, it was Toni that got detention for getting into a fight with the same girl. They always thought it was going to be that way for a long long time, little did Cheryl know, but they only had a few years.

High school came and the bridge they had raised its toll. By the time Cheryl became a freshman, Toni had already been in high school for a year, she had already her friends and hobbies, and Cheryl eventually became a cheerleader and made friends with other people, Veronica, Josie, Betty, to name a few. She was okay with it, they both had the right to be their person. But at home, she thought it would be just like it had always been, but instead, Toni started locking her door at night, would barely greet Cheryl in the mornings, until one day they stopped talking altogether. Then Cheryl met Heather and Toni's words came back, but it was only insults and mean jokes.

She did give Toni space, especially because of what happened. In the very beginning, the first thing that her mother told her was that Toni's mom had died when she was four years old, that Cheryl had to be careful not to bring it up, and be patient when Toni's mood was off. Toni rarely mentions her mom, but Cheryl's certain it hurts like hell, and as she grew up she became even more aware of what happened with her mom.

That's why it's so hard to be mad at her. Toni's anger comes from the pain she keeps hidden inside, it's a coping mechanism and as unhealthy as it is, it's all she knows. But God, it's getting harder and harder to find reasons to keep forgiving her. Even more so when Cheryl only wants her best friend back. 

Life was so much better when Toni was part of it. And even though she has Heather, amazing friends, loving parents (no matter what, Jackson is her dad) it still feels as if a part of her is gone.

* * *

Cheryl was just finishing making herself dinner, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, very nutritious no doubt. When mom's around meals in this house are fit to star in a magazine, but for now, a sandwich will do. Jackson owns a construction company, this weekend he had to go to New York City, to check on a project, and of course, he took the chance to turn it into a date for him and mom, meaning that Cheryl and Toni would have the place for themselves until Sunday night. It's probably just gonna be Cheryl, Toni will most likely spend her weekend in the Southside and expect Cheryl to cover for her in case mom decides to FaceTime out of the blue.

Since the adults had left early this morning, Heather spent the whole day with Cheryl keeping her company, her mood had improved and she seemed to have forgotten all about Toni's attempts to establish her territory, the fact that Toni had been gone most of the day helped too. Heather had asked her to stay the night, saying there was no chance of Cheryl's mom show up in her room unannounced, and that with all of her flaws, Toni would be the last person to rat them out, that was very true. Cheryl, however, refused.

Both her mom and Jackson are super supportive of Cheryl and Heather's relationship, they always made sure their house was a safe space for both kids, and that no matter their sexuality Cheryl and Toni were loved. But there are certain rules of course, and Heather sleeping over is one of them, at least until Cheryl turns eighteen. And even if they're gone for the weekend, Cheryl won't betray their confidence like that.

Cheryl was starting to put everything back in its place when she heard the familiar rumble of a motorcycle, and after that, it didn't take long for the door to open and Toni to walk into the kitchen, giving Cheryl a forced smile, opening the fridge door only to see that her favorite things were already set up on the kitchen counter.

Cheryl smiled at that, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches were their things. Both too young to know how to properly cook and too afraid to use the stove to make a grilled cheese, PB and J's were always the late snacks they used to indulge in. To know that a small part of it still clings to Toni, does warm her heart. 

But soon they go back to their old ways, Toni makes for the sink to get something, and notices two empty cereal bowls, "You know, if she's going to be spending this much time around the house, she might as well start paying rent," if an outsider was to hear it, they would think Toni's the one that works day in and day out to pay mortgage around here.

"The owners of the house seem to be okay with it," Cheryl mutters, walking away. 

She won't give Toni that satisfaction.

"I live here too, asshole!"

"Bite me, Toni!" But before she's gone she steals Toni's favorite goodbye sign, the flip of a finger.

"Whatever," Toni mimics the gesture," just keep it down, will you? These walls are thin and I don't need to know what Heather's moans sound like."

_Hell no!_ She knows very well that it isn't true, that Cheryl and Heather don't even close the door out of respect. If someone should say that is Cheryl, she's the one that has to spend nights hearing how amazing Toni's in bed. Because unlike her, Toni doesn't give a damn about the rules of the house, no girls in the house after ten o'clock.

"Fuck you!" She finally snaps, throwing a loaf of bread at Toni. "You're the one who's always sneaking in vixens around here!"

She immediately regrets it.

"Well, at least they don't leave dirty dishes around the place all the time!" Toni yells, equally loud, grabbing the bowls on the sink and throwing them, glass shattering everywhere.

She's never this violent, this loud. Cheryl dares say she seems drunk, and that worries her. Maybe she should talk to her mom and Jackson about this recent behavior, not because she's trying to be petty, but because it scares her.

"You're being childish!" Cheryl's choice of words doesn't do the situation justice, but she won't allow Toni to use fear against her. So she downplays it.

"I mean it, Cheryl, I want to have my privacy and that's not gonna happen with that thing slumming around my house."

"That thing has a name!"

"She practically lives here, eats all my food, messes with the Netflix, and occasionally showers too, I think I can call her whatever the fuck I want," Toni's crying, rage pouring out of her eyes and it makes Cheryl feel like shit.

She never saw it that way before, but maybe Toni feels left out, even though she's the one who created this distance between them, Cheryl let go and didn't look back.

But she's hurt, and that always makes her say the dumbest shit. "No wonder you don't have any friends, who would want to deal with that shit on the daily."

"I'm better off than you. Miss I'm so popular, future prom queen. You're nothing but a selfish bitch with daddy issues!" Before she can grasp it, her palm hits Toni's cheeks, making the sound echo through the house. But before Toni even has a chance to react or say something, Cheryl's already running away

* * *

Cheryl always thought that day at Pop's would be the last time she would ever see her father, and quite honestly, she was fine with it, they weren't close. But he proved her wrong at her thirteenth birthday party, by showing up announced and so drunk that he could barely stand on his two feet. Luckily, Jackson and Sheriff Keller managed to kick him out before he could do much, but Cheryl had seen it already and she couldn't pretend to forget it. That night she finally found out the whole truth about her family. How Nana Rose adopted her mother from the Sisters of Quiet Mercy hoping that one day she would marry her son, how that same son soon showed his true colors. He was abusive and a drunk, one night he hit Penelope so hard that she thought she would lose her baby, the following morning she left Thornhill, but the Blossom's being as powerful as they were never quite left the picture, the only solace to that dark tale was the fact that Clifford Blossom was never allowed to be near Cheryl by himself, out of fear that he might take her away.

Just like that all the dots connected and Cheryl understood what her mother had meant all those years ago when she said daddy was sick. 

She spent the rest of her birthday crying on Toni's shoulder, she didn't allow anyone else in the room. And as quiet as she was trying to be, Cheryl heard Toni cry too, felt her whole body tremble with anger. They kissed that night, quick and innocent, both girls telling themselves that it was comfort they were seeking in that moment. Cheryl had just lost a part of her innocence and Toni was devastated that she had been there to witness it, having lost so much already, she never had wanted Cheryl to feel the same.

They kissed and the next morning forgot all about it. Or so Cheryl tells herself, the truth is, no kiss she has ever shared with Heather as felt as pure as that one under the stars sparkling in Cheryl's ceiling.

That's why she's now in the basement, crying her eyes and heart out. Out of all people, Toni was the last one she expected to hurt her like this, she hates her for it yet she wants nothing more than the comfort of her embrace.

It's getting late, Cheryl should head upstairs, but her body's so tired, her mind shutting off that she decides to just stay there. Laying on her mom's yoga mat, hoping that tomorrow the pain will fade away.

"Hey," it's Toni's gentle yet raspy voice that clearly shows she's been crying too, that awakes Cheryl, "how's my Cher bear doing, huh?" Her puffy bloodshot eyes beg for forgiveness, she's looking so vulnerable that even in Cheryl's state, she feels bad for her.

In her hand a cup of hot cocoa, and a plate with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich next to Cheryl's. It shouldn't affect her this much. This is always the outcome when one of their fights gets out of hand, and it's been going on for so long that Cheryl doesn't know if Toni's truly sorry or if it's a ploy to make Cheryl forget how cruel she's been.

"You don't get to show up with PB and J's, call me that and expect me to be okay with it," Cheryl tells her, moving away when Toni goes to sit next to her, her whole body begging her to stop, tempted to fall into that trap that is Toni Topaz.

Toni doesn't let her go anywhere, holding her hand, and at that moment as Cheryl looks down, at their intertwined hands she knows no one else's was made for hers quite like Toni's. Hate dissipates, she can't fight it, doesn't dream of it either. It'll hurt when morning comes and all pretense falls like a curtain call, but she's more than happy pretending this time it'll last forever.

"I know, and I'm sorry I yelled at you...I shouldn't have mentioned your dad, that was messed up," Toni's words are sincere, but so were the ones that brought them here in the first place.

"That's becoming a common occurrence between us, the yelling I mean."

"It'll be the last time, I promise," Cheryl scoffs, knowing she's full of shit.

"Like you did last time, and the other before that?" Toni falls silent.

They've done this too many times, what more can she say? What excuse will save her now?

Pretty much, anyone, she picks, because Cheryl will always believe it. Toni's not the only one to blame. But Cheryl loves her.

"What happened to us, Toni?" She asks, grabbing Toni's chin, wanting to see those brown eyes that she falls for with a single glance, like a siren's song Cheryl can't seem to pull away from them. "You used to be my best friend."

"I miss being your best friend."

"I wasn't the one who stopped it, you...you pushed me away."

"I had to, Cher, it was, is better that way." Again with that, she's been saying it for years now. Cheryl pretends she has no idea what it means.

"Will, you at least give a reason? I deserve it." Cheryl has a feeling she'll regret that question.

It's been years in the making, a pandora box that neither dares to come close to. Toni shakes her head, pain in her features, ready to burst with all that's been consuming her these last years, yet something is holding her back. Cheryl's eyes plead with her and in the end, she wins that battle.

Toni closes her eyes, taking a deep breath, settling her nerves, but her hands keep shaking, "we grew up, that's what happened. I woke up one day and that little girl that used to hide behind her mother's legs was gone," and before she's over it becomes too much and she can't seem to be able to face Cheryl anymore, "I stopped seeing you as a big sister should, and started thinking about..."

She almost leaves then, but it's Cheryl's turn to keep her here, never letting go of her hand, pulling her closer, too close for how vulnerable they are now, "Toni, we went through puberty, our hormones were all over the place, and I get that it might've been too much especially since we do live together."

"Before you say it, Cher, it wasn't just a phase. I used to tell that lie to myself but it's not true."

"What is your truth then?"

"You," _you, you,_ it can't be. And yet it's all she ever wanted to hear.

She waited for it, she wished for it in the dead of night. She looks at Toni now and it's different, this goes beyond them. Her mom was right they were meant to be, eventually, they would find there wouldn't they?

"Living in this house is a fucking nightmare, Cher. It's torture to sit in my room knowing that there's a wall between us and that I can't break it. It physically hurts to get up in the morning, sit at the breakfast table and look at you, having to tell my self, no you can't, she's your sister, it's wrong," those words make her sick, she refuses to hear it, Toni's breaking apart before her eyes, feeding herself a lie. Cheryl tries to silence her, but in vain, "and to make it worst I have to see you and Heather all the time, kissing and cuddling, hearing people congratulate you, knowing that it will never be me."

"Toni..." She keeps trying, holding Toni in her arms, but she keeps shaking her head, now that the box has been opened she can't seem to stop, "please, Toni, lis-" she's cut off.

Toni grabs her wrist, taking Cheryl's hand away from her, to a point where is painful, "I need you to hate me, Cheryl, I want to hurt you so much that the sight of me makes you sick," she hisses at her, her voice cracking as her tears spill, still holding Cheryl's hand with a strong grip, "and yet I die a little every time you cry and then we end up here with PB and J sandwiches."

Madness took hold of her at that instant, because what Toni just said should've made Cheryl run away and never look at her again. She admitted to hurt her on purpose because in her mind it was the right thing to do, she never even bothered to ask Cheryl what she felt, how she felt. But instead, she grabs Toni's face with both of her hands and pulls her in for a kiss, getting no resistance whatsoever. And it's like everything becomes clear, she reborn in that kiss. She feels a storm raging in her, a fire being fueled, years and years in the making, and everything falls into to background, Heather, mom, friends, they have no place in here. 

She can taste the saltiness from Toni's tears mingling with her own that keep coming, tears of joy, both girls smile into the kiss, breathless for air, but too desperate to stop now, afraid that I'll end for good, not wanting to face the consequences of the action itself. It's wrong, it'll hurt, I'll destroy them, but they keep going. Ending up laying on the floor, a simple yoga mat serving as a cushion, Toni's hands furiously searching for every bit of Cheryl she can find as if she needs something to tell her that this is real.

When they finally pull away, they're panting for air, looking into each other's eyes, their hearts beating against one another, and nothing else feels as right as this. Cheryl's eyes get lost in Toni's, and in them can see the person Toni truly was born to be, those flames that Cheryl once saw dying, caused by the guilt and the pain she carried and ate her whole is gone, now they burn brighter than the sun itself, warming Cheryl's soul. There's so much goodness, so much love, and she knows that she's seeing the person she fell in love with, the girl who gave her comfort when the world had turned its back on her. She needed to look at her, needed to see why she fell in the first, and with a smile, she hoped to convey to Toni that she hadn't changed either, she was showing Toni who she truly was, maybe for the first time.

"Stay with me," Cheryl whispers, noticing how Toni's face is a mixture of uncertainty and loss.

A few seconds go by, Cheryl doesn't force it, doesn't ask for anything, it's Toni's choice to make. Soon she ends up moving closer, her lips brushing Cheryl's, her body no longer tensing, all worry melting away into the sweetest smile she could muster with her tear-stained face, asking for permission without her words, and all Cheryl can do is offer another kiss.

And that kiss quickly turns into something much more, and without even knowing how they got here so suddenly, both girls are naked, skin to skin, Toni's hands massaging her breasts, sucking on Cheryl's pulse point, leaving marks for the whole world to see what transpired in these walls, it makes her dizzy, aching and writhing underneath the pink-haired girl. Cheryl's right at the edge, almost falling into something bigger than herself, it's the line she never dared crossing with Heather, she never had the desire for it, as if her body always knew this was bound to happen, who it should give itself too. 

Toni moans too, hers sound pained, her whole body trembles, sweat dripping into Cheryl's skin, "I...I love you," Toni's response comes in the form of a kiss, slow torture for Cheryl who's on edge, every single nerve tingling, every touch sending bolts of electricity through her. She feels Toni's fingers enter her, it stings but her kisses soothe the pain, and that pain is quickly replaced with something else, something so new and exciting that Cheryl can't even possibly come up with a name for it, but at that moment she decides she's more than willing to make a deal with a devil if it means another taste of it. Every thrust brings forth another wave of pleasure, Toni's mouth soon leaves her own, choosing to kiss her breasts instead, their moans fill the room. It's becoming hard to hold back, to keep fighting the inevitable, wanting to prolong this for as long as she can, forever if she could.

With a few more thrusts, Toni's palm stimulating that bundle of nerves, Cheryl finally reaches her climax, her first-ever. If she had to put into words this feeling the only word she'd be able to come up with is falling. Being washed away in an ocean of bliss, engulfed by all that Toni is. Becoming one.

* * *

Cold, that's what awakes Cheryl, looking up she can see the first rays of sunshine bathing her skin, but it doesn't seem enough to keep her warm. After last night, Cheryl's body was jelly, she couldn't possibly fathom the prospect of getting up, and Toni's body resting against her was all the heat she needed. 

Toni's gone, now, must've woken up later some point during the night and left, it leaves Cheryl hurt but she knows she's still processing everything that happened. Just like herself.

She did it, she's no longer a virgin. Never in a million years, she would dream that it would happen like this, at seventeen, on top of her mom's yoga mat, in the basement with Toni Topaz. Honestly, Cheryl never thought much about it, to begin with, she knew it would happen when the time was right, so no need to rush it. And last night proved that, it wasn't like they asked for it, they made no plans, hours before they were more than ready to kill each other. It was natural, destined even she dares say. 

She only wishes Toni was here. Wishes she had to power to look through her mind and see how she truly feels about everything that transpired. But that's not going to be the case, yet, Cheryl needs something, or else she'll drive herself mad. Getting up, she puts on her clothes and heads downstairs, immediately she's greeted with the smell of bacon and fresh coffee, it brings a smile to her face. And no sight has ever made her happy, Toni Topaz hunching over the stove flipping some pancakes, her hair still wet clinging to her back, wearing sweats and a tank top. All doubts dissipate, she didn't run away, she was preparing this.

"Morning," she shyly says, making Toni jump a little. She does turn around and offers her a smile, but Cheryl can't help but notice that it doesn't fully reach her eyes.

"Sit, breakfast's gonna get cold," Toni doesn't look her in the eye, busying herself with setting the table that needs none of it. The scowl that became second nature to her making a comeback.

Cheryl chooses not to speak, not wanting to start a conversation they can't keep running away from. But for now, Toni seems to be on the same page as her. 

They sit down, eat in silence and that's it. Halfway through it, the food is like ashes in her mouth, Toni's slipping away from her, she can feel it.

"How you feelin'?"

"Good. It felt good," Cheryl blushes a little at the memory of how good it felt, "I might've to do it again just to make sure of it."

She was being playful, trying to flirt even if only to ease the tension but it didn't have the desired effect. Instead, Toni's eyes widened, panic took over her, the poor thing looked about to bring up all the food she had just eaten.

"Cher, what...you and Heather?" She tries to say, the words coming out stumbled.

"Nope. Contrary to your beliefs, TT, me, and Heather never did it."

"Shit," silverware clatters on the table, and the orange juice spills.

"Toni, please don't freak out," Cheryl gently says, carefully treading those waters.

"I just took your fucking virginity on the basement floor, Cheryl!" She wants to laugh at that, saying that Toni didn't seem to mind hours ago, but that would be her anger talking and right now Cheryl needs to be the reasonable one here. She'll deal with the rest once they've calmed down.

"And? Look, I know some people want their first time to be special, you know, and I guess at some point I felt that way but...it was going to happen eventually, and it was...I was with you. You were gentle and make me feel good, I don't regret it."

"I'm your stepsister!" Toni yells, getting up, running from Cheryl like she had the plague or something, and she won't lie, it fucking hurts. "I've known you since you were six, we've been living together ever since then. It's wrong on so many levels!"

_Wrong_ , she can't believe Toni used that word. That's she willing to tarnish something as beautiful as what they shared last night. If Cheryl was hurt now she's pissed.

"You didn't seem to think it was wrong when you were three fingers deep inside me last night, did you?!" She doesn't even wait for an answer. "Exactly! You stand there all high and mighty, talking about wrong and right and all that, but don't lie to my face and tell me you didn't want it too!"

"I did! And now I have to live with it!"

"Don't you fucking dare, Toni! Don't twist things and make me feel disgusted at myself for what happened. We had sex, and I loved every single second of it, because unlike you, Toni, I'm not afraid to live my truth." Fuck, here she is. Crying over Toni again. Cheryl should know better by now. It's a game and Toni's addicted to it.

"If we stay together we'll ruin this family."

* * *

Later that night, when Toni was out and Cheryl was finally alone with her thoughts she began to see that perhaps Toni did have a point. She just felt so used and was angry by that, that she forgot to see what was so clear in front of her. If she and Toni were to keep this going, not only would Cheryl had to come clean to Heather, face judgment at school and throughout town, because even though she and Toni aren't breaking any laws or committing any sins, a lot of people won't see it that way, they'll end up using that disgusting word. And Cheryl's okay with all that, Toni's worth all the judgment and social suicide. But mom and Jackson is something else, if they become a couple there's a chance that it might end, or a fight might occur, and then what happens?

This isn't just a petty feud about who gets to pick the radio station, and who's the favorite child. This, like Toni, said it herself, will ruin this family.

If not, then not being able to be with Toni altogether might even ruin Cheryl first.


	2. Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone. Chapter 2 is coming, but it's a pretty big one and I still have a lot of stuff to finish (my writing process is slow and weird, I pretty much have six unfinished chapters which I keep coming back to whenever an idea comes)
> 
> But instead of keeping you waiting a whole month (maybe less 🤞) I've decided to post this flashback which was the turning point of Cheryl and Toni's relationship.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it.

_5 years ago_

If there's something that Toni hates even more than Mondays is crying, when she starts she can never seem to stop, it's so messy and makes her feel so bad that she tries to avoid it as much as possible. Swallowing that lump in her throat, blinking her eyes, and thinking of happy thoughts always did the trick, but as Cheryl, her sister and best friend in the whole world, lays her head in Toni's lap, crying for hours now, she can't help her tears. 

She's mad, and when Toni's mad she always wants to cry. 

She still remembers when dad first talked about Cheryl, that she was like Toni in a way too, after all both of them only had one parent. Toni asked if Cheryl's dad had gone to heaven as mom did, but dad just shook his head, _it's more complicated than that, baby,_ he had said. And Toni was very smart for her age, she could tell that it was something delicate as adults would say when she was younger, so she never asked about it again. Cheryl didn't seem to care that her dad was gone, not in the way Toni did and still does about her mother.

She didn't know who he was, unlike her, Cheryl didn't have any pictures. 

Today was supposed to be a great day, it was Cheryl's twelfth birthday, the one she was the most excited for, maybe because now she and Toni could finally go to the movies by themselves without an adult. But as soon as that strange man showed up in their backyard, talking loudly, swearing, and walking funny, all the plans and preparations for that special day were over as soon as they started.

Dad and Sheriff Keller were quick to kick him out but it was too late, Cheryl was nowhere to be seen. After that, Penelope sent everyone home as politely as she could, they didn't seem mad thought. Still, Toni didn't like the look on their faces, it was the same one she always gets whenever someone finds out her mother died when she was little.

She was helping dad clean up everything when Penelope asked her to talk to Cheryl, saying she didn't want to open the door to her, but that she could hear crying. It took a while but eventually, Cheryl unlocked the door, immediately falling into Toni's arms, crying her little heart out. Toni didn't cry then.

When Cheryl was screaming against her pillow, Toni's eyes were dry. What got to her was hearing Cheryl say _I hate him, I hate him,_ over and over again. Like it was the only words she knew. And she can't imagine what it takes for someone to hate their parents.

But what does she know?

This is a girl who despite being almost fourteen, still hopes that if she prays hard enough God will bring her mother back, the girl no one knows cries herself to sleep because it never happens.

Toni would give anything to have her mom here, she loves Penelope but it'll never be the same, having her with dad just proves that mom is gone. She wonders if Cheryl wishes that her dad was dead instead, and that's just wrong. No one should feel that way, have that option in the first place.

And seeing Cheryl crying, makes Toni hate herself for all the times she got angry whenever she saw dad picking Cheryl on his shoulders, or when he taught her how to swim, and would check under her bed for monsters. If she could she would go back in time and ask dad to spend even more time with Cheryl, she wouldn't complain ever again.

Not knowing what else to do, Toni carefully gets up, and when Cheryl asks if she's leaving her too, another fresh set of tears comes, hastily Toni wipes her eyes, shakes her head, and swears she'll be back in five, holding out her pinky for good measure.

It's still early, only nine o'clock. When she gets downstairs, dad and Penelope are in the leaving room, when they see her they both try to act as if they were only watching tv, but Penelope's eyes are all red and puffy and there are tears running down her face, she looks at Toni with so much adoration that she almost cries again on the spot. She offers the woman a small smile and heads for the kitchen, opens the fridge door, takes out a birthday cake that's still intact, and with as much skill as she can muster, Toni cuts two slices, making sure one of them has a birthday candle in it.

"You never got to blow your candles," she says when she enters Cheryl's room again, and for the first time since it all happened, Cheryl smiles.

"Well, I guess I have to then," when Cheryl pats the bed Toni doesn't hesitate to join her, but before she puts both plates on her bed stand and opens the drawer taking out a small velvet box.

Cheryl gives her a look but Toni just lights the candle with the kitchen lighter and hands the plate to Cheryl, she blows her candle and Toni claps her hands, both laughing as she does so.

"You gotta make a wish."

"Hmm, I wish to know what's in there," she points to the box, stubborn as she is, and Toni's a softie who can never say no to her.

She waits nervously as Cheryl unwraps the bow tie around it, opening the box, finding a golden pendant with a golden cherry. It cost all of the money Toni had saved in her piggy bank, and even though dad and Penelope offered to buy it, she decided she wanted to give it to Cheryl, that way it would be her gift and no one else's.

"They're your favorite," and Cheryl nods her head, this time happy tears in her eyes. 

"Can you help me?" 

And after Toni puts the necklace in Cheryl's neck, the other girl turns around and brings Toni to a tight hug, when they break apart their faces are so close, that Toni leans in and places a kiss on Cheryl's lips. It ended as soon as it started, Toni doesn't know why she did it, but they don't speak of it. Choosing to watch a movie, holding hands like they always do, Cheryl laying her head on Toni's shoulder when she starts to get sleepy as usual. They've done this so many times before, but after that kiss, it feels different, like a door has been open for something else. And at that moment, looking in Cheryl's eyes Toni doesn't understand why, but she doesn't want Cheryl to be her sister anymore.

She just wants to kiss her again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 is coming I promise. There's drama, fluffy scenes, smut and a cliff hanger to top it all off. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this one. All feedback is appreciated.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think...


End file.
